The S word

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… when I look back, I realise something about that S word “Sorry” and how that may never appear.  Perhaps I am or another is “Sorry” or maybe not, and who really and truly knows but myself and them?  Personally, after a while if there’s no sign of someone being “Sorry” towards me, my rat’s arse isn’t a given, they can go take a leap!  It’s all part of my self preservation in action my friend, just my self preservation and the time scale for that is various according to who, what and why.

Thing is, as I think here on the S word, I get the feeling that some are just staying far too busy cramming their own life so full of meaning, that they really do have to stay oblivious to the hurt their words and actions might create for others.  Perhaps they feel they don’t have not enough time to waste on reflection and response~ability.  So it’s hard for them to ponder, question their thoughts and then be “Sorry” and express it.

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Oh wait though, for hells bells on earth seem to exist for those who totally know they hurt others and get off on it!  That’s totally shit and sounds dangerous for them me thinks, for we can see how that unfolds in the short and the long run, and it surely ain’t good!  So, moving swiftly on, how do we know the difference between the two?  Between the unintentional hurt and the on purpose ones?  We don’t.  We’re wise to look for proof though and yes judge people on that, work out where we stand on that…

So the thing is, I don’t know about you, but if I see I’ve upset someone, I like to get a “Sorry” over with ASAP and provide that proof for them.  I’d say or/and write a short rubbish yet sincere note, so that the jobs a good ‘n’ and that’s that.  It’s a bit like pulling a plaster off and it’s best done sooner, than too late!  With others, sometimes patience is necessary, as perhaps some have got to have time to mature and grow up enough to give out an apology.  Well at least just enough maturity to see their actions as hurtful and take some responsibility.  It might seem too hard for them currently to own up to their shit or respond with a kindness, but given time I’d hope for them.  Still, none of my beez wax!  We all have to come to terms with the fact, that even a simple “Sorry” might NEVER come and life goes on or not.  Only doesn’t that speak to all of us of who we and they are and we are and they are… in all of those many moments?  Thing is who knows what realisations another day will bring?

Looking at the S word in even more depth personally.  There came a time I felt so tired of running up hill with staying patient with others, that when someone kept extruded hurt so often, at me and others in my presence, I felt I’d had enough!  Haven’t you known that one person, that strong character who is like thrush, but more irritating?  Someone who thinks it wrong to mind their own business, is condescending as they point out the obvious, telling us something they feel is important as if we’re all too stupid or blind?  The one who makes out we need to take their advice, like it’s a demand from a first aider in an emergency!  Anyways, I didn’t see it at the time, but it was brilliant when the opportunity arose to stop, back off, take stock, view the options and get to make my choices without pressure, including to stay away from them.  I feel so very grateful now, so “Thank you” (but it doesn’t feel appropriate to express it to them)

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Okay, so speaking generally now, as life goes on.  When we feel hurt, there may be an instant or a late chance for someone to be “Sorry” for the distress we feel they’ve caused us.  Yet we mustn’t rely on that “Sorry”.  Seriously, don’t!  For I’ve realised it’s best to give up on that demanding thought.  Let the dogs lie sleeping, give them a nice wide berth and then we’re able to breathe beautiful sighs of relief and feel at peace.  As even if they never have the voice to say “Sorry” or put it in a letter or it’s gotten lost in the post or their hurts have angered them so much that they’re letting us stew…  Whatever!  Well we might never know the reasons.  In all seriousness it really doesn’t matter.  Please just let the angry dogs get to dream their dreams, so we get on with keeping our peace and tranquility.

The point is, that even if some are never actually “Sorry”, well that’s been and is their problem and not oursSo what if they don’t even know about it, the hurts and the what have yous?  Also, pointing out that what about that stuff we’re oblivious to?  What of the hurts we’ve been perceived as causing?  Well then, fair play, that’s all the reason to live and let live!  To get on with what is basically our business, if we need to say “Sorry” do it!  We have to jog on Pal, we need to try looking at things from a different view, as from a distance perhaps there might be a more peaceful perspective.  Step back now and again, even if it is only mentally.  For you need to make a space for some peace, as that’s better in the long run than staying right in the thick of it and reacting badly.  Bottom line and the conclusion is, that we really do need to mind our own business and that business is living in peace with ourselves.

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