Better NOT angry

I prefer the word “Could” to “should“, but what works?

acorns close up colors grow
Photo by Valeria Boltneva on

As “could” is mild, appeasing, hopeful, idealistic in expectation of others, but bottom line it lacks impact.

Whereas should is a decisive statement, clear of intent and a truth of feeling.

As lovely as the words “We could plant an acorn and let someone else enjoy the shade of an oak” is, I can see that the solid statement and bumper sticker from Bealtaine Cottage [PLANT LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT… FOR IT DOES!] by Colette O’Neill, is much more motivational.

I get the feeling the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) way would always try to use “Could“, but says to listen carefully to the desperate cry of the Should!   NVC gives us the heads up that we are never actually angry because of what others say or do, but that it is a result of our own ‘should’ thinking.  We get upset and angry at how things should be and aren’t, how people should be and aren’t

I really do prefer the gentle word “Could” to a definite Should“. 

For “could“, could still woo and entice others to plant an acorn or persuade them to be kinder to themselves and others…  and yes occasionally when you, me, them, all of us need it, we could all occasionally give ourselves some time out when we get upset.  Time to think about what’s going on when our heads get angered, just so we can think through a kind solution.  Thing is though, personally, when I feel there’s a Should NOT! in the equation and I feel others are NOT listening to me, I get this annoying RED MIST, the uninvited additional guest to my inner party.  My You Should NOT! is always a truthful statement of how I see Danger in the world and all the wrongs therein.  It’s a tricky one (I’ve learnt how to deal with), as I know it’s a probable self fulfilling prophesy if the addition of the RED MIST has anything to do with it!

addition black and white black and white chalk
Photo by George Becker on

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